The past year of my life has been very difficult and filled with multiple significant losses. But, the most devastating loss of all, by far, was the loss of my baby daughter, who succumbed to a chromosomal abnormality in utero before ever taking a single breath.
I can say that despite the immense pain this has caused me, and the many tears I’ve shed, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. For the brief period that I was a mother with a daughter here on earth with me, it was the single most greatest experience of my life. I loved her from the moment I found out she had nestled herself into my body. I held her there all cozy for as long as I could, and I did all I knew to do to save her. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.
My due date came and passed without the arrival of my baby girl. Mother’s Day came this year and no one thought to wish me a happy Mother’s Day. But, my baby was on my mind all day. I often tell her how much I miss her and how much I wish she was here with me. I tell her that I am sorry that I could not do more to save her.
I named her Pearl because even though she was very small, she had value that was far beyond her size.
How does one pick up the pieces after a loss like this? I don’t know. But, this blog represents a journey of mine that is one of the ways that I have tried. If my baby girl is watching over me from heaven, I want to live the best life I possibly can. I want to honor her by making sure I don’t miss out on all of the things that she never got the chance to do.
The journey I am speaking of is toward better health, which includes working toward losing 156 pounds. I had started this journey before Pearl even existed, but I was not doing it correctly. I wasn’t thinking about proper nutrition and eating natural foods. Now, it is not just about weight loss. It is about getting all the nutrition into my body that it needs to function as well as it can.
I suffer from chronic pain, which has affected my life in no small way. But, since eating non-processed, natural foods with high nutrient content, much of my pain has been alleviated. If I go a couple of days off of this way of eating due to being busy, I feel terrible and ask myself how I ever could have eaten that way before.
I am not going to let chronic pain get in my way to living life to its fullest. I won’t let it deter me from living a good life. If Pearl is watching me each day, I want her to see her mama working hard at making the best life possible.
I’m dedicating this blog to my daughter, Pearl. Because it, and the journey of mine that this blog represents, continues to exist because of her. It was her that inspired me to live a better life. It was she that made me finally commit to changing my eating habits and my overall lifestyle. My life is better because of her existence. I wouldn’t trade a single second that I had her with me…not for anything.
chicagohealthygirl 
Your story about Pearl made me weep. You’ve written about your grief and your healing journey so movingly and I wish you the very best in achieving your goal of excellent health, and freedom from pain. I feel quite sure you’ll achieve it.
Your whole blog is wonderfully informative, interesting and educational. It’s a repository of such helpful information and super recipes which will be invaluable to all those genuinely seeking better health. Thank you!
I think of your “PEARL” often and know that one day I will see her. She will be dancing and playing in heaven. I know that she sees you because Malachi says there are windows in heaven. I am sure she would have loved your cooking. Especially this lasagna recipe. Thanks for sharing.